The seven principles for making marriage work by John Gottman, PhD

1. Enhance your love maps: learn more about each other, be interested again, date again.

2. Nurture your fondness and admiration: put a positive spin on your marriage's history.

3. Turn toward each other instead of away: be a good friend to your partner, do things for each other, take your partner's side.

4. Let your partner influence you: avoid resisting to what your partner has to say, be interested in your partner's opinions, acknowledge when your partner is right. Partners who talk calmly about a problem are more likely to influence their partner.

5. Solve your solvable problems (30% of all couple's problems): start talking softly, learn to make and receive repair attempts, soothe yourself and each other, compromise, be tolerant of each other's faults,

6. Overcome gridlock: about 70% of couple's problems are unsolvable. Learn to deal with such problems without becoming overwhelmed by them. Have a sense of humor about them.

7. Create shared meaning: integrate each partner's opinions, values, traditions into a sense of meaning and partnership for the couple.

This is a highlight from the excellent book "The seven principles to make marriage work" by John Gottman.

 

 

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October 13, 2019

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