What Are Couples Therapy Intensives?

A Couples Therapy Intensive is an accelerated, immersive, and structured experience designed to provide a life-changing opportunity to process and overcome challenges in a relationship, even if the relationship is at the brink of divorce. An Intensive condenses what might take 2-6 months of weekly therapy into 1-3 days of focused transformational work, respectively. Intensives are customized to each couple and their specific situation; no couple’s intensives are alike. During the intensive, a couple meets with a therapist in person for 6 hours a day; and depending on the situation and depth of the challenge, it may take 1-3 days. This way, the intensive works not just as a long therapy session but an experience that has been strategically designed for a real breakthrough. Different interventions are used to help the couple connect, communicate, understand each other, process past resentments, discuss their differences, and feel grounded enough to make an important decision. Intensives provide therapeutic support and a safe space for couples to talk openly without escalating and reaching a solid decision in a quicker way.

What are the Benefits of Intensives?

• Couples can reach rapid breakthroughs in a few days, especially when they are facing a crisis, in comparison to more spaced weekly sessions.
• Being together for a longer period of time with the presence of a therapist leads to increased openness and emotional safety to address ongoing challenges.
• Intensives are more cost-effective in terms of time and finances. Each day of a 6-hour intensive corresponds to 2 months of weekly therapy sessions.
• Couples preparing for marriage and living together can better understand their compatibility and differences as they plan their future.  They also learn important tools to address common relationship issues as they show up in their life together.
• Intensives give the opportunity to hash out a situation so that couple feels more at peace with the decision they come up at the end.

Who Provides the Intensives?

Joseli Alves-Dunkerson is the therapist that provides intensives at the Center. She is a licensed couples therapist, Gottman couples therapist, and nationally certified AASECT sex therapist. She has worked mostly with couples in the last 10 years and enjoys helping facilitate their communication and decision making about the future.

She is trained in spiritual direction and works with secular couples as well. She is LGBTQIA+ affirmative. Learn more about Joseli here. And if you have any questions, please go here.

 

Which Couples Can Benefit from Intensives?

• Couples where both partners are motivated and committed to finding the best solution for a problem, taking the time to process all aspects of the situation.
• Couples who are planning to start a life together with the knowledge and tools they need for a healthy relationship.
• Couples that have been feeling disconnected and resentful for a while by either having ongoing conflict or avoiding communication with each other.
• Couples who have self-awareness of their personal strengths and limitations and past traumas, without blaming all relationship problems on their partner only.
• Couples who have done individual therapy in the past and feel strong about their mental health, including resolution of past traumas.
• Couples who have a busy life and value their time and the quality of their decisions.

Which Couples’ Situations Can Benefit from Intensives?

Intensives are particularly suitable for those couples experiencing:

• Marriage Preparation: When a couple has a wedding date coming up, with a series of appointments around it, and wants to be sure they get the preparation they need to start living their life together on the right foot.
• Affairs: When you have discovered that your partner was or is having an affair (emotional or physical); or if you want to disclose an affair to your partner and does not know how they would react.
• Chronic Communication Issues: When a relationship has been feeling disconnected for a while, facing either ongoing conflict or distancing from each other. This could be due to a busy life schedule, the arrival of kids, among others.
• Crisis Situations: When a relationship is facing an unexpected situation or a major loss, such as a death in the family or loss of a job.
• Life Transitions: Major changes such as becoming parents, relocating to another state or country, entering the empty nest phase (all kids in college or out of the house).
• Separation and Divorce Discernment: Sometimes a couple or just a partner is not sure if they should stay together, separate temporarily, or move on to divorce. Intensives can help them reach the decision that would make more sense to them giving the assurance that they made a well-educated decision.
• Sexual Issues: Life transitions, stress, parenting, career, emotional disconnection, chronic illness, aging, medications are some of the factors that can affect couple’s sexual life. Learning to better understand how intimacy works overtime is essential for a healthy relationship.

What Do Intensives Offer?

Intensives are an alternative to the traditional weekly or biweekly couples therapy session (50 minutes long), which may not be enough to bring the results the couple are expecting. Couples come to therapy after having tried a variety of solutions to their relationship problems, therefore feeling defeated and anxious for a solution about their relationship (improvement or dissolution). Intensives offer the following:

• More time to focus on problems and new skills. Intensives last 6 hours per day during a weekend, allowing more time for the couple to connect, explore and find solutions for their issues.
• Dedicated time without interruptions. Couples feel comfortable having this time set up for them without feeling pressured by the interruptions or distractions of their daily busy lives.
• Immediate and continuing support. Couples have direct access to the therapist as they move through the discussions of their issues, without having to wait for their next weekly session. The therapist facilitates mutual understanding, preventing escalation or fear of being transparent during communication.
• Accelerated results. Intensives tend to lead to faster breakthroughs that might otherwise take months to happen in traditional weekly sessions.
• Customized process. Intensives are designed to meet the unique needs of each couple, focusing on a transformative experience to their relationship.
• Enhanced communication skills. Couples learn integrated strategies on how to assess their issue, have deeper conversations, and find ways to overcome their challenges.

When Are Intensives Not Recommended?

Couples Intensives are not recommended when there are circumstances that would benefit mostly from individual counseling or other resources. Examples include:

• When one partner is not highly motivated and committed to address the challenge at hand.
• When one or both partners have an unresolved past trauma that was not dealt with through individual therapy.
• When a couple has a history of high, intense conflicts, which signals a need to resolve past traumas.
• When one or both partners are in psychiatric crisis, such as doing self-harm, suicidal, feeling emotionally disorganized. Or engaged in intimate partner violence or drug addiction. These are tender situations that need to be addressed first by a medical doctor, individual counseling or long-term stabilization.
• When one or both partners do not want to share their secrets, such as, affairs and misuse of finances. Intensives require full transparency of all issues faced by the couple.
• When one or both partners expect the therapist will have a magic solution that requires no work on their part. Relationships feel great and require different levels of effort throughout life. The therapist will give you personal attention, listen to you and teach skills that you need to use in order to improve your relationship.

What Else Should I Consider? 

• Couples Intensives are often not covered by health insurance plans. Daily fees vary from $2,000 per weekday and $2,500 for a weekend day.
• The number of hours (6 hours each day, for 1-3 days) may require preparation at home (babysitting) and at work (take days off).
• Both partners need to be motivated and committed, otherwise the less interested partner may feel forced into a major commitment.
• Intensives can be overwhelming since they focus on solving difficult situations. The presence of the therapist provides facilitation and safety for both partners.
• If you have never done individual counseling, you may not be ready for couples intensives.
• The large investment might lead to disappointment if the couple is not motivated and does not have clear expectations about what they need and want.

In summary, couples therapy intensives offer a powerful alternative to traditional couples and sex therapy, providing couples with the time and space needed to make meaningful progress in addressing their relationship issues. This approach can lead to significant improvements in understanding, communication, and emotional and physical connection. This approach can also help couples to make the serious decision of whether to stay together or proceed to separation or divorce.