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“It was the reset I needed to save my marriage.” Company CFO
“Our communication & understanding of each other raised to a level that surprised me. We can talk about anything and resolve issues easily.” Company CEO
“The Intensive helped me realize what led me to my affair and helped my wife start healing from my affair. I am thankful for that”. Company Director
“We wanted a divorce that would keep us acting cordially towards each other for the good of our kids. The Intensive helped us to overcome past resentments and move forward to healthy co-parenting.” Business Owners
A Couple’s Intensive is a new approach of relationship counseling designed to help couples achieve a breakthrough in days instead of months or years.
It creates an immersive and customized experience for busy couples where both partners feel safely heard so they can address long-term problems or crises in their relationship. Intensives are strategically customized based on both partners’ goals, so no couples intensives are alike.
Different interventions are used to help the couple communicate openly, process past resentments, better understand each other, discuss their differences, and learn new relationship skills to renew and sustain their relationship at a new level.
Get the Transformation You Want and Deserve
Isolation ⇒ Connection Roommates ⇒ Intimacy Mistrust ⇒ Honesty
Reactivity/Silent Treatment ⇒ Presence and Open/Safe Communication
Intensives are particularly suitable for busy, professional couples experiencing:
- Affairs: these could be emotional or physical affairs; still unrevealed, recently discovered, or from long ago but not yet discussed or forgotten.
- Communication breakdown and accumulated resentments: which can lead to conflict and/or distancing from each other. This could happen due to a busy life schedule, the arrival of kids, among other stressors.
- Cycle of disconnection and trust issues: as life gets busy, there is less time for connection and partners start to trust only themselves to get things done.
- Contemplating separation or divorce: When a couple or just a partner is not sure if they should stay together, separate temporarily, or move on to divorce; and they need to have serious conversations to reach a well-educated decision.
- Problems with emotional and sexual issues: learning more about how intimacy works overtime is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.
- Empty nest syndrome or living like roommates: when kids grow up and leave home to pursue their lives, and the parenting role decreases. Meanwhile, so much focus was on the kids in the past that the relationship now seems so distant.
- Crisis situations: When a couple is facing an unexpected situation or a major loss, such as a death in the family or loss of a job.
- A mid-life crisis or major life changes: When major changes happen in a couple’s life, such as becoming parents, relocating to another state or country, among others.
- Pre-marital issues or fine tuning your connection: a proactive way to prepare for the common challenges faced in marriage or co-habitation.
- Managing ADHD in your relationship: though ADHD brings many talents to a person, it also can bring room for miscommunication and incoordination of family activities. There are ways to bring this all together.
What are the Benefits of Intensives?
- Breakthroughs can be reached in a few days instead of months or years of weekly 50-minute sessions. Intensives provide an immersive reset space for couples who cannot step away from responsibilities for too long and want to address issues quickly and effectively. Weekly 50-minute sessions can be helpful when couples have time to attend regular sessions without skipping them and their issue is not major and is not impacting their relationship significantly.
- Increased openness and emotional safety to address ongoing or chronic relationship challenges thanks to the presence of a skilled supportive therapist.
- Better and educated decisions for the relationship so couples can feel more at peace by having taken the time to reflect on their challenges.
- More cost-effectiveness in terms of time and finances. Each day of an intensive corresponds to 2 months of weekly therapy sessions.
Who Provides the Intensives?
Joseli Alves-Dunkerson is an experienced couples intensive therapist and a nationally certified AASECT sex therapist. She is also trained in ADHD in Relationships, Pre-marital Counseling, Divorce Discernment and Spiritual Direction and is fully trained in several modalities specific for relationships. She works with secular couples as well. She is LGBTQIA+ affirmative. Learn more about Joseli here.
Which Couples Can Benefit from Intensives?
- Couples who have a busy life and value their time and the quality of their decisions.
- Couples who prioritize their relationship even though they have other major responsibilities.
- Couples where both partners are motivated and committed to finding the best solution for a relationship challenge.
- Couples who have enough self-awareness of their personal strengths, limitations and past traumas, and know that in some way we all contribute to the problems at hand (without blaming all relationship problems on their partner only).
- Couples who have done individual therapy in the past and feel strongly about their mental health, including resolution of past traumas.
What Do Intensives Offer?
- More time to dive into core relationship issues, respecting each other’s perspectives, with transparency and without escalation.
- Dedicated time without interruptions. Couples feel comfortable having this time set up for them without feeling pressured by the interruptions or distractions of their daily busy lives.
- Immediate and continuing support. Couples have direct access to the therapist as they move through the discussions of their issues, without having to wait for their next weekly session.
- Accelerated results. Intensives tend to lead to faster breakthroughs that might otherwise take months to happen in traditional weekly sessions.
- Customized process. Intensives are designed to meet the unique needs of each couple, focusing on a transformative experience to their relationship.
- Enhanced communication skills. Couples learn integrated strategies on how to assess their issue, have deeper conversations, and find ways to overcome their challenges.
When Are Intensives Not Recommended?
Couples Intensives are not recommended when there are circumstances that would benefit mostly from individual counseling or other resources. Examples include:
- When one partner is not highly motivated and committed to address the challenge at hand.
- When one or both partners have an unresolved past trauma that was not dealt with through individual therapy and shows up in the relationship from time to time.
- When a couple has a history of high conflict, domestic violence, or untreated addictions. These situations require individual counseling or long-term stabilization first.
- When one or both partners are in psychiatric crisis, such as doing self-harm, suicidal, feeling emotionally disorganized. Medical and in patient support are needed first.
- When one or both partners do not want to share their secrets, such as, affairs and misuse of finances. Intensives require full transparency.
- When one or both partners expect the therapist will have a magic solution that requires no work on their part.
What Else Should I Consider?
- Couples Intensives are not covered by health insurance plans. Daily fees vary from $2,500 per weekday and $3,000 for a weekend day.
- The number of hours for the Intensive will require preparation at home (babysitting) and at work (take days off).
- Both partners need to be motivated and committed, otherwise the less interested partner may feel forced into a major commitment and bail out.
- Intensives can feel overwhelming at first since they focus on solving difficult situations. The therapist will provide facilitation and safety for both partners, talk to partners individually, and snacks and breaks will be offered throughout the day for movement and reflection. The end result is a deep sense of relief.
- The large investment might lead to disappointment if the couple is not motivated and does not have clear expectations about what they need and want.
More information here: Types of Intensives and What to Expect
