Understanding Couples Therapy (also known as Marriage Counseling)
Couples Therapy can help relationships that are facing a variety of challenges. Regardless of the partners’ age, marital status, sexual orientation or cultural background, couples find a safe space to discuss emotional issues, get rid of past resentments, and face difficult situations. Couples therapy pushes us to evolve. It helps us be more self-aware, become aware of our partner, negotiate the differences, and make important decisions. It’s supposed to be a learning curve where partners will learn new relationship habits as they try to get rid of old ones.
Couples Therapy is NOT recommended for couples undergoing domestic violence and drug addiction issues. Individual therapy to deal with anger management and addiction treatment therapy are the best initial step for these couples.
Couples Therapy is Different from Individual Therapy, but They are Complementary.
Couples Therapy tends to have a lower success rate when partners have never had individual therapy. This is because good self-awareness is important as a couple tries to find solutions for their challenges. The training for individual counselors is different from the training for couples counselors; for this reason, our Center offers individual and couples counseling that are complementary and help move the therapeutic process faster.
In individual therapy, the focus is on the individual, giving them opportunities to be more authentic, brainstorm issues, improve self-awareness and personal communication style, and sometimes to address past trauma. On the other hand, in couples therapy, the focus is on the relationship, how partners relate to each other, recognize their personal contribution to the problem, and on creating a safe and mediated emotional space to discuss their relationship issues.
In couples therapy, each partner brings that their unique life experience helps to build an initial connection. A “chemical reaction” occurs between partners, leading to the feeling of “finding the soulmate”, which leads to the desire for a relationship. With time, this initial passionate phase (or honeymoon phase) will become more real and the couple will need to face that they have differences that will lead to conflict and distancing. This is when the couple move to the following chapter in their relationship, one that includes mature love, effective communication, and respect. Partners with good self-awareness will be more successful as their relationship evolve. Partners with low self-awareness will start to blame each other for their natural differences, which can quickly deteriorate the relationship.
Couples therapy will help partners recognize their contributions to the relationship as well as their strengths and challenges. The couples therapist will listen to each partner and brainstorm ways to help them communicate and brainstorm, honoring their personal “uniquenesses” (feelings, needs, and boundaries). We use research-based strategies and couples therapy methodologies to promote good communicate of emotional needs, mutual understanding, empathy, and decision making.
Why Do Couples Seek Therapy?
Couples often seek therapy to make educated, thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and strengthening their relationship. Or deciding when to go their separate ways.
How Long Does Couples Therapy Last?
Couples therapy is often short to mid-term. This is depending on the challenges and goals addressed. Plus, the couple’s commitment to the process is important. Sometimes, one or both partners may be referred to do brief individual therapy. This occurs to boost the couples therapy process. Each couple is unique, and the specific therapy plan will depend on the couple’s goals.
A Word about Couples Intensives
Intensives are for couples who are facing an urgent issue or crisis situation that needs a faster resolution than what weekly couples counseling sessions may offer. If you want to learn more about Intensives, please click here.
Our Approach to Couples Therapy and Marriage Counseling in West Des Moines, IA
At the Relationship & Intimacy Center, we offer an integrated approach to couples therapy with several individual and couples therapists working in a complementary way. Joseli Alves-Dunkerson is a licensed couples therapist that works with the Gottman, EFT, and Imago approaches. She is also a certified AASECT sex therapist on a national scale. She also provides Couples Intensives for couples facing crises.
What Happens During Couples Therapy
At the first session, the couple will share their reasons for seeking counseling. Each partner will share the specific goals for therapy (sometimes partners can have different goals). Often, the couple will be asked to complete a couples assessment online and schedule one individual session for each partner. This individual sessions will allow the therapist to better know each partner and their concerns. In the fourth session, the therapist will meet with the couple to discuss the findings of their couples assessment and individual sessions as well as how to move on with the couples counseling.
At the Center, there is some homework or home play between sessions. We do this so that the momentum keeps going in therapy. Videos, audiobooks, books, among others, will be shared via our confidential mail server. Couples tend to enjoy these activities at home.
Couples therapy and marriage counseling involve partners learning how to identify and express their needs to each other in an effective way. Thus, helping manage conflict as it arises. Emotional and physical intimacy are also addressed.
Begin Couples and Marriage Counseling in West Des Moines, IA
- Contact us online, either to ask a question or set an appointment.
- Start couples therapy and gain peace of mind!
