Typical Topics Discussed in Men’s Counseling

1. Stress

• Working long hours and disconnecting from others. Some careers will push men to several hours of work and studying, which may lead to a disconnection from family members and friends, which leads to feelings of anxiety and depression.
• Difficulty in communicating emotions: Men may be more likely to mask their problems or negative emotions to avoid “burdening” loved ones or friends.
• Economic factors: Unemployed or recently unemployed men may have more feelings of purposelessness or begin to believe they are not needed.
• Relationship issues: Research shows that mmen often rely more on their partners for emotionOal support than do women. So ongoing trouble with intimate relationships may contribute to depression and low self-esteem.
• Masculine gender roles: Feelings of not being able to protect or provide for their family may contribute to feelings of hopelessness and shame.
• Isolation: Social isolation often leads to mental health issues such as depression and anxiety.
• Bullying: For young men in particular, being bullied in person or online by peers can, in some cases, drive the victim to severe depression and even suicide.

2. Relationships & Emotions

• Anger and irritability. Often men are taught to hide more vulnerable emotions such as hurt or sadness and instead express anger and lash out. This may be the only way they have learned to communicate they are hurting.  However, anger can have disastrous effects on relationships. Learning how to communicate hurt and sadness effectively can facilitate an opportunity for repair and even strengthen relationships. Psychotherapy can help men let go of problematic anger and instead express the vulnerability needed to have fulfilling relationships.
• Intimacy and affection. Stereotypical male ways of expressing love are to “do stuff” for their partner. This could be buying something, fixing something, or attempting to solve problems for their significant other. Sometimes this is not helpful to create closeness in romantic relationships. Partners of men can sometimes feel emotional distance when they want someone to listen without problem solving or communicate love instead of “show” love by buying something or doing something. Psychotherapy can assist with understanding your love language and that of your partner. It can help with learning new ways of expressing love and intimacy.
• Numbing or pushing away emotions. Some men may have been raised in environments where the very experience of an emotion was unacceptable. This can result in attempts to avoid or control emotions. For example, drug/alcohol use, ending relationships, physical altercations, devaluing the importance of loved ones, or keeping people at a distance can be ways to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Unfortunately, these attempts to control emotions can result in even more problems and even more difficult emotions. Therapy can help men identify, learn to deal with, and effectively express emotions in ways that that are more adaptive and can help preserve and strengthen relationships.
• Relationships where one of the partners have ADHD, OCD, High-functioning Autism (or Asperger’s). These individuals tend to be very successful professionally but have more limited skills to engage with their spouses or romantic partners at home. These relationships can be difficult to manage, but not impossible if new skills are learned by one or both partners.
• Non-medically explained sexual issues. Though physicians often address the biological causes of male sexual issues (erectile dysfunction, reduced sex drive, premature ejaculation, or porn addiction), psychotherapists can often help by looking into psychological (anxiety, depression, etc.) and lifestyle factors. Therefore, therapy can improve sexual performance and related concerns.

3. Fatherhood & Parenting

Fatherhood, while often a great source of joy, can be a cause of stress and anxiety. As children grow, fathers may face different issues related to child-rearing. Possible sources of stress could include:

• Limited paternity leave. Some fathers may wish to spend more time with the newborn and experience frustration because they cannot be as supportive to their partner as they wish.
• Financial difficulties due to increased food and medical costs and other expenses. These may also place stress on a father’s relationship with any partners.
• Prioritization of the needs of the newborn, which generally leaves less time for partners to focus on their relationship.
• Sleep deprivation, which may exacerbate mental health issues.
• Paternal postpartum depression, which may occur in 4 to 25% of men and closely resembles the diagnostic criteria for maternal postpartum depression.

Fathers play an important role in the lives of their children. Research indicates that increased father-child time reduces a child’s risk of developing substance abuse issues. Many studies show that fathers, like mothers, can greatly influence child development. Stress and mental health issues in fathers was shown to have a negative impact on child behavior and social skills.

Currently, some fathers report biased treatment by family courts when going through the process of  divorce. While caretaking roles have shifted dramatically in many American families since 1970, state laws regarding custody have not, and they may still be more likely to view the mother as the primary or sole caretaker of any children. Some argue that this has caused fathers to be separated from their children when they wish to continue being an active caretaker for their child. Due to a fear that the family court system may separate them from their children, some fathers stay in unhappy relationships to avoid the risks of divorce.

4. Cultural Beliefs About Masculinity

Today, a growing number of experts are contributing to our psychological and interpersonal understanding of men. Fields such as anthropology and modern brain science come together, often through the study of masculinity theory, to help men define themselves in ways other than previously conceived ideas of manliness, such as the “macho man” stereotype. Other similar stereotypes, which have often been cultural standards through the 20th century, still commonly impact male behavior today.

A greater understanding of early human behavior and recent findings from modern brain science have helped created a deeper understanding of some emotions, behaviors, and attributes that may be particular to some men. This knowledge may help facilitate an understanding of certain actions, thoughts, and feelings that men may be more likely to experience, especially those that relate to traditional cultural ideas of masculinity.

Some research claims that stereotypes of men as “protectors,” frequently seen in literature, movies, television, and so on, have contributed to the development harmful beliefs and mental health issues in men. In recent years, many see these ideas as problematic, and a number of social norms and cultural expectations are changing. Some men may find it helpful to deepen their understanding of harmful beliefs about masculinity that harm their mental health. The current societal understanding of masculinity may also make it more difficult for men to recieve care when they attempt to speak up about a mental health issue or seek help.

5. Perceptions of Masculinity

With the current social and political environment, it has become increasingly apparent that men can benefit from having a confidential, private space to explore the rapidly changing dynamics of what it means to be a man in today’s society.

Being raised within a traditional male environment does not necessarily result in difficulties, but it is likely to have affected a person’s idea of what it means to “be a man.” Unfortunately, some of the more traditional ways that men have learned to deal with their emotions can sometimes lead to mental health or relationship difficulties.

Many male-dominated cultures may have often given men a higher status than women. Male rulers and military leaders as well as largely male-led businesses, churches, and societies have contributed significantly to cultural and social expectations of men. Today, the power men have in society is often seen through the lens of hegemonic masculinity, which is a term for the subordination of femininity by masculinity.

• What is Toxic Masculinity?

Toxic masculinity is most often defined as harmful beliefs about the nature of masculinity and behavioral characteristics of masculinity. These beliefs may feed into a man’s fear of emasculation should he choose to reach out for mental health support. The rigid standards that toxic masculinity often holds men to may make the concept of masculinity fragile rather than flexible and robust. Some examples of beliefs related to toxic masculinity include:

• Having more sex makes someone more masculine.
• Being more aggressive or physically forceful means someone is more “manly.”
• Being emotionally vulnerable or acknowledging one’s emotions is a sign of weakness or femininity.
• A person isn’t a “real man” unless they can display a certain level of physical and mental toughness.

Toxic masculinity often begins to take root during boyhood. Boys may be brought up being taught that it is not appropriate for them to show or talk about negative emotions like sadness or fear; meanwhile, they are permitted to show anger or aggression. This may help explain why mental health issues in men can manifest as anger.

Sometimes, boys are expected and encouraged to prefer certain toys or colors and to pursue particular activities. Boys who express different preferences or who attempt to pursue activities considered to be feminine may be gently discouraged, redirected, or in some cases, mocked. This behavior may be connected to homophobia and transphobia or fears that a boy will not “become a man.”

A boy’s preference for the color purple over the color green or his inclination to take ballet classes rather than to play football does not necessarily indicate sexual orientation, gender identity, or masculinity at adulthood. As an increasing number of parents and educators understand and accept this, children may develop less mental health issues related to repressing healthy parts of self.

6. Anxiety & Depression 

On average, one in 8 men will have depression and one in 5 men will experience anxiety at some stage of their lives.

Men are less likely to experience anxiety and depression than women. They are also less likely to talk about it. This increases the risk of their anxiety or depression going unrecognised and untreated. It’s important to remember that anxiety and depression are conditions, not weaknesses, and effective treatments are available

Anxiety and depression signs and symptoms can differ in men and women. Men also tend to use different coping skills — both healthy and unhealthy — than women do. It isn’t clear why men and women may experience anxiety and depression differently. It likely involves a number of factors, including brain chemistry, hormones and life experiences.

7. Substance Abuse

Studies show that men and women are affected by substance abuse in a few different ways. Men are far more likely to abuse alcohol, binge drink, and to die by overdosing on prescription opioids. From age 18 and onwards, men have nearly twice the substance dependence rate of women. Men who are addicted to marijuana are more prone to antisocial behaviors than women and are more likely to have another substance use disorder. Men may also more often receive treatment for substance abuse through the criminal justice system than seek it out through a mental health care provider.

What causes substance misuse and addiction in men? Many factors are thought to contribute, including age, education level, and employment status. Mental health is another key contributing factor to male substance abuse. Depression is one common cause of substance abuse in men but may manifest as anger, tiredness, or sleep problems rather than as deep sadness or guilt.

8. Male Suicide

If you are struggling with strong feelings of shame, hopelessness, or purposelessness, it is critically important to seek help. A licensed therapist or counselor can help people address, work through, and resolve those feelings. When people are able to address feelings that may lead to suicide, they may also begin to find solutions and discover new paths for moving forward into the future.

Untreated depression is a high risk factor for suicide. Around 75% of people who take their lives are men.

The issues of male suicide and suicide prevention for men are becoming an important part of addressing men’s mental health. In 2016, 7 out of 10 suicides were done by white men. Some research indicates the risk of suicide is highest for men in middle age. In the U.S., white men have the highest suicide rate while Native American men have the second highest. Male suicide has also become a growing concern in the United Kingdom, especially for men younger than 45.

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