Dating skills have become more sophisticated.

If you are single, divorced, or widowed, you know that dating has become more complicated these days, requiring a different set of skills. We do not meet people in high school and college … we are too busy moving on with life. Then, when we finally have a career, a place to live, it is not easy to find interesting people to date.

Also, online dating has changed the dating scenario. Common questions include: How do I write a good dating profile that will lead me to good matches? How do I find interesting people?  If I find potential dates, how should I proceed before, during, and after the date? When can I start trusting that person? Should I be open about my interests? How do I know I am not selling myself too short?

Love yourself first!

Have you reflected about who you are, strengths, limitations, needs, among others? The first step towards effective dating is to know the starting point well, which means YOU! Common myths out there:

• I will find a soulmate. Truth: there are no soulmates. There is the initial honeymoon phase and then the building of a strong relationship.
• My partner will complete me and make me happy. Truth: our partner is not a magician neither our parent. We need to know ourselves well and work on our self first. Our partner may support us, but they cannot be our foundation. We are our foundation. Work on yourself first and have realistic expectations. This will help prevent future disappointments with others.
• People pressure me to find a partner. Truth: many people are realizing that they do not need another person to be happy. Some people want partners, others do not. For those who want a partner, some may want to move in together, some may not. Single people, leaving alone, can have a lot of fun and feel fulfilled. Do not let social pressure dictate what you do with your life, especially in a sensitive matter like how to live your life. Only you will know what fulfills you.

Doing individual counseling is a great way to reflect on all these themes and develop a strong foundation inside ourselves. That is the best way to ensure you will make good decisions about your life and about dating.

Do you want to learn new dating skills?

It is great to be single, but some of us long for company. But not any company. Someone that will support and value us, not take advantage and break our hearts. Well, there is never a guarantee that things will work, but there are ways to feel better prepared for the dating scene. The idea of “letting it happen randomly” does not seem to work anymore. But being intentional about dating can provide valuable results.

Online dating involves different skills than dating in person. People are more anxious to socialize and may look too needy. There are several strategies on how to stay authentic while communicating assertively on a date, such as: