6 Ways to Be Comfortable With Intimacy
Intimacy is an essential part of any human connection. It allows us to build deep, meaningful relationships. But for many people, intimacy can be challenging to embrace. After all, the vulnerability that comes with intimacy can feel scary. Whether your unease stems from bad past experiences or personal insecurities, feeling comfortable with intimacy requires self-reflection and growth.
1. Get to Know Yourself First
It might sound cliché, but it’s absolutely true: you need to be comfortable with your own body and desires before you can fully share that with another person. Many of us don’t know how (or haven’t been encouraged) to explore what it is we need from an intimate connection. If you feel shame or fear around physical and emotional intimacy, start by looking into where that might be coming from. Remember: you’re entitled to pleasure just as much as anyone. By acknowledging and accepting your understanding of intimacy, you can begin to work through any unresolved issues that may be hindering you.
2. Talk It Through
Being vulnerable can feel intimidating, but it’s a key cornerstone of intimacy. When you talk about intimacy with a partner, make sure that conversation is a space where there’s zero judgment. Instead of letting awkwardness silence you, acknowledge it. When you start by saying, “I know this feels weird to say aloud, but…” you’re evening the playing field and taking the huge step of opening up. When you create space to encourage each other through open communication, you’re paving the way for deeper intimate connections.
3. Start Before the Bedroom
Intimacy doesn’t just mean sex. Intimacy is everything that brings you close to another person: deep conversations, inside jokes, touching, and looking at one another. When you confine intimacy to the bedroom, you’re not letting yourself and your partner experience all that your relationship has to offer. Instead, think about ways to build your connection. This might mean showing appreciation in small ways, doing activities together like cooking and errand-running, or just holding hands.
4. Dedicate Time to Intimacy
It’s okay (and even encouraged!) to schedule sex. Despite what cultural messaging tells us, not everything has to be spontaneous. In a world where we’re being pulled in so many directions, it’s easy to let intimacy fall by the wayside. When you schedule times that work for you and your partner, you agree to be fully present with each other. Without distractions from work emails, kids, pets, and errands, you’ve carved out a space where you can look forward to connecting with another person.
5. Have a Life Outside the Relationship
It might seem counter-intuitive, but investing in yourself outside the relationship can increase your intimacy levels. Make sure you’re cultivating your own interests, taking time for your own passions, and staying close with friends and family. When you rely too much on your relationship to fulfill all your needs, you run the risk of ruining the intimacy you’ve built. Eventually, this could become a toxic level of co-dependency. Investing in yourself as a well-rounded person means you’ll bring more to a relationship and feel assertive about your desires.
6. Talk to a Professional
Have you tried these techniques and still aren’t feeling comfortable with intimacy? It might be time to see an individual or couples counselor. You may have to talk through aspects of your childhood, traumatic experiences, or attachment styles to understand how to best approach intimacy. If you’re struggling to connect with your current partner, a therapist can help you adjust how you’re communicating. Remember, reaching out for help is a sign of strength and a commitment to personal growth. It’s a great start to opening yourself up to intimacy!
To learn more about how therapy can help you get comfortable with intimacy, please reach out to us.
