All romantic relationships have stages that follow a predictable pattern, yet couples often misinterpret how romance evolves. Research reveals that relationships move through four different stages naturally.

• First stage: Honeymoon/Infatuation/Passion/Hormonal Rush, lasts from weeks to 2 years.
• Second stage: Early Attachment, lasts from the 1st to the 4th year.
• Third stage: Crisis stage, lasts from the 5th to 7th year. 
• Fourth stage: Deep Attachment, lasts from 8th year to beyond.

Successful couples learn how to navigate these phases in order to build lasting unions. “There is no free lunch” in terms of relationships; it does require consistent intentional effort to move through the stages.

Why couples misunderstand the stages of a relationship

Relationship expectations are tainted by outside forces shape their views. All types of media (TV, magazines, social) substantially influence how we view romantic relationships. Cultivation theory explains how heavy exposure to media creates idealistic and unrealistic expectations about relationships and marriage [1].

The romantic movies we watch rarely show real relationships. They paint perfect pictures that don’t match reality. People who watch more romantic content believe more strongly in the myths of soul mates and love at first sight [2]. This leads to many couples mistaking the natural end of their honeymoon phase as their love dying out.

There is another reason why couples don’t understand relationship stages – they mix up infatuation with love. The initial honeymoon stage, with its hormonal rush, feels intense, passionate, and consumes your thoughts [3]. However, this phase stays shallow and builds on fantasy rather than reality.

The relationship stages most couples get wrong

Most couples mistake chemistry for compatibility during the Honeymoon Stage. A powerful initial attraction creates electric feelings that blur their judgment [5]. Chemistry sparks passion, but compatibility builds lasting connections. People often place instant physical attraction ahead of true compatibility as shared values and communication styles.

As the honeymoon phase with its hormonal rush ends, partners individualize – become more themselves again. That is when couples realize that 69% of their differences are perpetual, and new communication skills need to be learned [6].  The lost idealized images show the differences or flaws between partners [8]. Otherwise conflict emerges, bringing power struggles e culminating in a crisis [4]. Partners try to shape each other to match their original fantasy rather than accepting the reality that they are different people, and that there are no soulmates. Relationships often end at this point because couples think something is deeply wrong and their relationship has failed.

If the couple learns the skills necessary for the different stages, they evolve into a more balanced power dynamics, which is associated with better relationship satisfaction and emotional health [9]. Couples that succeed know that love isn’t about finding perfect harmony. They end up accepting their differences and flaws while building their individual identity within their partnership [8].

References:

[1] –https://www.verywellmind.com/the-four-stages-of-relationships-4163472

[2] – https://www.bellisario.psu.edu/medialab/research-article/the-effect-of-media-consumption-on-perceptions-of-romantic-relationships

[3] – https://olemiss.edu/news/2024/07/romantic-movies-perception/index.html

[4] – https://psychcentral.com/relationships/love-versus-infatuation

[5] – https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/social-instincts/202405/3-ways-to-spot-the-difference-in-chemistry-and-compatibility

[6] –https://www.gottman.com/blog/managing-vs-resolving-conflict-relationships

[7] – https://www.loveatfirstfight.com/relationship-advice/conflict/overcome-power-struggle-stage/

[8] – https://www.lyrahealth.com/blog/conflict-in-relationships/