Part I of this post series talked about reflecting on first dates, and Part II gave suggestions on how to prepare when you a first date shows up for you. Here we will discuss specific tips for during and after first dates.

DURING THE DATE:

1. Don’t show up with flowers or gifts. You do not know them yet. It may seem pretentious and overwhelming to your date.
2. Limit stimulants and choose calming beverages instead. Avoid caffeine, sugar and alcohol since they can increase nervousness and lead to too much self-disclosure.
3. Be true to who you are. Trying to impress can create stress and discomfort to both of you. Just stay happy and true to yourself while being kind to the other person.
4. Focus on your date, not yourself. When nervous, it’s easy to become overly self-aware, fretting over every gesture or word. Instead, shift your attention to getting to know the other person. Be present. Keep gentle eye contact. Balance listening and sharing. Listen actively to what they’re saying, ask questions, and genuinely immerse yourself in the conversation. Share what seems appropriate in the moment (no need to overshare yet). These steps can reduce anxiety and create a richer, more engaging experience for both of you.
5. Be positive about life in general (jobs, friends, travels). Avoid talking about exes, religion, finances, and politics.
6. Do not leave your date alone to go say hi to friends. It is acceptable to say hi and introduce your date, but do it briefly.
7. Practice self-compassion: be kind to yourself. Remember that no one is perfect and that sometimes things do not go as planned. Everyone goes through that, and awkward moments do not define your worth or the potential of the connection.
8. Focus on your breath when awkward moments happen. Take deep, slow breaths to help calm your mind and body. You can take a break as well, like going to the restroom.
9. Do not have your phone in sight. Also do not spend too much time in the restroom. It will look like you are taking the time to use your phone. You can talk or text your friends after the date.
10. Have an exit plan so you can leave if things do not go well. Plan a short date initially, with the possibility to extend it if you feel comfortable.

AFTER THE DATE:

• You can accompany your date to their car. Then go home by yourself or accept a safe ride.
• If you feel anxiety after the date, get home and listen to music, do yoga, meditate or anything that usually relaxes you. This way, you will get centered and grounded to reflect on the date.
• Reflect on the date on the same night or the next day. Think about how it made you feel, what you liked and disliked. Use compassion towards yourself and the other person.
• If you have mixed feelings about the date, ask trusted friends for their perspective and support.
• Decide whether you would like to have another date. Send a text to the other person. It could express your interest in getting to know them better, to stay acquaintances/friends, or to just say goodbye. Be kind and respectful. No criticism.
• If you want to have another date, plan one that would be enjoyable and comfortable for both of you. It could be about enjoying a common interest of you both.
• If the second date happens, you can be more open about your feelings and expectations, to an extent. Do not overshare yet. You can talk positively about previous relationships.

These steps can help you navigate the post-date phase effectively and grow personally from the date. You may have got a new friend, learn about what you do NOT want in a relationship, or gain momentum in a budding relationship. Take any result as a learning experience!