Discernment Counseling

Learn more about Couples Intensives for faster Discernment!

Are You Considering Separation or Divorce? Discernment Counseling Can Help You Decide.

If you or your spouse are considering divorce but are not completely sure that’s the best path, you are in a tough spot. And Discernment Counseling is designed for you. It’s a chance to slowdown, take a breath, and look at your options for your marriage or long-term committed relationship.

Research shows that, in 50% of divorces, one partner regrets it. And in 30% of divorces, both partners regret it. The regret is generally about not giving a final fair chance for reflection before making the decision to divorce. These are surprising statistics. Why does that happen? Did we move too fast to the decision to divorce? Or, were we so resentful that we decided it was over too soon? Are we actually giving ourselves time to reflect? What about the kids?

Discernment Counseling is a new way of helping couples where one person is “leaning out” of the relationship—and not sure that regular marriage counseling would help — and the other is “leaning in”— that is, interested in rebuilding the marriage.

The goal is for you to gain clarity and confidence about a direction for your marriage, based on a deeper understanding of your relationship and its possibilities for the future.

Discernment Counselor Joseli Alves-Dunkerson, LMFT

The counselor will help you decide whether to try to restore your marriage to health, move toward divorce, or take a time out and decide later. 

The goal is not to solve your marital problems but to see if they are solvable. You will each be treated with compassion and respect no matter how you are feeling about your marriage at the moment. There are no bad guys and good guys.

You will come in as a couple but the most important work occurs in the one-to-one conversations with the counselor. Why? Because you are starting out in different places.

The counselor will respect your reasons for divorce while trying to open up the possibility of restoring the marriage to health.

The counselor emphasizes the importance of each of you seeing your own contributions to the problems and the possible solutions. This will be useful in future relationships even if this one ends.

What to Expect from Discernment Counseling

Number of Sessions: A maximum of 5 counseling sessions, divided into individual and couples time with the counselor.

The first session is usually 2 hours and the subsequent are 1.5 or 2 hours.

Discernment Counseling is not suited for these situations:

• When one spouse has already made a final decision to divorce
• When one spouse is coercing the other to participate
• When there is danger of domestic violence

Ensure That You Are Making The Best Decision for Yourself

With this approach, you will reflect on a few important questions about your life and ensure that your answers are more rational than emotional. Sometimes separation may be necessary for that reflection, sometimes not. This is a brief and proactive approach to be sure that you will not regret your decision later. After all, divorce is expensive and is considered one of the ten most traumatic experiences in life. But if you make a decision more thoughtfully and prepare accordingly, divorce can be a less traumatic event for all those involved.

Begin Discernment Counseling

You deserve to be happy. Sometimes, separation or divorce is necessary for your own well-being. Our team of caring therapists understands this and are happy to offer support as you navigate this difficult time. We offer services from our West Des Moines, IA-based therapy practice. To start your counseling journey, please follow these simple steps: