ADHD and Relationships
Do you or your relationship partner have ADHD? Adults who have ADHD are very intelligent and creative, and they need strategies to deal with their lack of attention and/or constant need to move around. Here is a list of famous people with ADHD.
More about ADHD
ADHD is very common, usually first diagnosed in childhood and often lasts into adulthood. ADHD brings many talents and may impact a person’s social skills, impacting socialization at school and relationships in adulthood.
There are three different types of ADHD:
- Predominantly Inattentive Presentation: It is hard for the individual to organize or finish a task, to pay attention to details, or to follow instructions or conversations. The person is easily distracted or forgets details of daily routines.
- Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Presentation: The person fidgets and talks a lot. It is hard to sit still for long (e.g., for a meal or while doing homework). Smaller children may run, jump or climb constantly. The individual feels restless and has trouble with impulsivity. Someone who is impulsive may interrupt others a lot, grab things from people, or speak at inappropriate times. It is hard for the person to wait their turn or listen to directions. A person with impulsiveness may have more accidents and injuries than others.
- Combined Presentation: Symptoms of the above two types are equally present in the person.
ADHD in Relationships
People with ADHD can be very successful at work (if they do what they love); however, success at work often does not extend to home. At work, we follow rules and make decisions, but at home we co-create rules with an equal partner and divide the relationship tasks. Given that ADHD partners can hyperfocus at work, which stresses their brain, they will tend to be more distracted at home as their brain need to relax. This is not intentional, but automatic. This situation leads to misunderstandings with their relationship partner, who tends to be forgotten, alone, and uncared for. That is when conflict starts, leading to distancing after a while, and resentment over time.
The issue is not really the ADHD, but the lack of communication and understanding between partners. Learning communication and effective strategies to manage ADHD at home can be very helpful. We would do the same if our partner had any other condition. One of the characteristics in this situation is that the dating (honeymoon) phase with an ADHD partner tends to be sublime. The ADHD partner hyperfocus on their partner, pursuing them with gusto. This creates a very romantic phase, which will inevitably go away as the honeymoon phase ends (within 6-24 mos). That is when the extra spark goes away and life goes back to routine for both partners, and then the ADHD symptoms (distraction, hyperactivity, impulsivity) become more apparent. This transition is very surprising to all partners and specially for the non-ADHD partner. If communication is not enhanced at this phase, a series of misunderstandings will pile up leading to deeper resentments and low emotional and physical connection.
Stress is not a condition that allows for connection between partners. As the ADHD partner forgets to do their own family and house tasks, the non-ADHD partner will get tired of waiting and taking these things over, which will lead to an increase in their mental load (stress). As stress accumulates, couples will start to move away from each other, leading to poor communication and an unsatisfactory sexual life.
Begin Counseling to Address ADHD in your Relationship
You do not need to go alone when facing life challenges. Our caring therapists would be happy to provide strategies and support from our West Des Moines, Iowa-based practice. Regaining a sense of empowerment and confidence is possible, and we are here to help. Schedule an appointment HERE.
