Learning How to Show Up For Yourself in Romantic Relationships
Relationships don’t work when you view them as a way to become whole. Each person should be a well-rounded individual before coming together. The relationship itself should be a new journey you embark upon. So how do you keep your individuality within a partnership? When you commit to showing up for yourself, you’re making space to become a better person. Here are a few ways you can practice showing up for yourself in your romantic relationships.
Stick With Your Boundaries
Relationships are built on good communication, and boundaries are an essential part of the equation. Healthy boundaries are crucial for people in relationships to maintain their own identities and avoid becoming too intertwined. Set aside time for each of you to do your own thing, have your own friends, and put yourself first sometimes.
Cultivate Your Own Interests
Part of showing up for yourself means you’ve got your own things you love to do. Maybe reality television isn’t your partner’s interest, but you love catching up on all the drama and gossip. Or you’ve just started getting into gardening, and they have the opposite of a green thumb. Take pleasure in doing what you love and getting more into it! When you carve out space for yourself, dedicate time to take joy in actively learning something new—about your activity, yourself, or the world.
Be Assertive to get Your Needs Met
Don’t let your partner walk all over your boundaries and the space you’ve made for yourself. If they make snide comments about your hobbies or try to get you out of doing them, assert yourself. Show them you respect their opinions and their own interests, so you deserve that same respect in kind. You are your own person.
Practice Self-Love
Loving yourself can take many forms. Try to approach it from a well-rounded view:
- Use positive self-talk
When you internally berate yourself, you’re teaching yourself that you’re not worthy of love. Because we live in a society that’s constantly telling us we don’t make enough money, we’re not beautiful enough, and we’re not successful enough, it’s hard to feel like you measure up to some imaginary standard. So take small steps one day at a time. Practice positive self-affirmations each morning, such as “I know I can take on this day” or “I am worthy.”
- Take care of your body
Getting into healthy habits will always help your body and mind. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep so you can approach each day positively. Eat plenty of vitamin-rich foods, whole grains, and fruits and vegetables. Exercise in whatever way you can—studies show even a ten-minute walk each day significantly improves your mood and overall health. When your body feels good, your mind does too.
- Validate your feelings
It’s okay to not always feel your best or to worry about your place in life. It’s part of being human. When you start looking at your emotions as valid experiences rather than things to be brushed aside, ignored, or chastised, you’ll feel more valuable as a person.
Talk Things Through in Therapy
You might still struggle with showing up for yourself and asserting your individuality, especially if you’ve always had low self-esteem or struggle with a mental illness. If these tips feel impossible, individual therapy might be right for you. A therapist can help you change your mindset and learn to advocate for yourself.
If you and your partner can’t seem to communicate about boundaries and what it means to be individuals, you may benefit from couples counseling. A therapist can moderate your conflicts and teach you how to set and respect each other’s boundaries.
To find out more about how therapy can help you learn to show up for yourself in your relationships, please reach out to us.
