5 Ways to Cope When You Live in a Non-Affirming Environment
Even though we’ve come a long way, heterosexual and cisgender are the default assumptions for many people. LGBTQ+ people have had to fight for the right to be recognized. When you’re living in a place that doesn’t affirm and celebrate your identity, your mental and emotional health will suffer. If you’re a member of the LGBTQ+ community, finding ways of coping with your non-affirming environment is key to feeling your worth.
What is a Non-Affirming Environment?
The term “non-affirming environment” covers a range of possibilities. You could live in a conservative city or state without a visible LGBTQ+ presence. The culture could be openly hostile to anyone who doesn’t present as cisgender or heterosexual. Or your home environment could be non-affirming in a variety of ways. Family members might refuse to use your preferred pronouns or force you to dress and act in a certain manner. They could bring you to religious events where people condemn homosexuality. Any of these situations are distressing and disturbing to an LGBTQ+ person. Affirming and welcoming environments are crucial to developing a strong identity and caring for mental health. If you’re living in a non-affirming environment, you need to find ways to cope with your toxic environment.
1. Create Your Own Social Circle
Having a group of people you can trust is crucial to surviving a non-affirming environment. Even just one or two close friends who see you for who you are and support your identity can help. If you don’t feel comfortable disclosing your identity to anyone around you, get online. You can find support groups and literature that can encourage you on your journey.
2. Understand the Trauma Cycle
If you’re facing discrimination and hostility, you’ll probably feel traumatized. Learning how the body reacts when it perceives an immediate threat is important. Fight, flight, freeze, and fawn are all modes the body goes into in order to protect itself. When left unaddressed, your trauma response actually builds up in your body and can change your behavior. After a traumatic event, it’s important to complete the cycle by exercising, dancing, or finding a creative outlet.
3. Find Ways to Affirm Your Identity
Find something that holds and affirms your identity, even if it’s a tiny, private talisman. Maybe it’s a pin, piece of jewelry, or art that represents who you are. It could even be more abstract, like listening to a certain band or styling your hair a particular way. Any ritual or object you can do that lets you express who you are will give you strength.
4. Prioritize Your Body
It’s easy to want to withdraw and avoid the outside world. But getting out, staying active, and giving your body the movement it needs will go a long way to helping your mental health. Exercise can look different for different people—if a gym doesn’t work for you, try hiking or bicycling. Find ways to enjoy the outdoors. Keep a consistent sleep schedule and eat as healthy as you can. When you give your body care and nourishment, your mood will improve.
5. Write it Out
Express your feelings in a blog or journal. Writing down your experiences can help you process what you’re going through. You’ll discover more about your identity when you see your thoughts on the page.
Therapy Can Help
Living in a non-affirming environment can be traumatic. The micro- and macroaggressions you experience can take a huge toll on your mental health. Speaking to a therapist specializing in LGBTQ+ issues will make you feel seen and heard. In a therapy session, you’re free to express your identity, learn more about yourself, and find ways to navigate the world.
To find out more about how therapy can help you, please reach out to us.
