There are five points to focus on when trying to save your marriage or relationship. Pay attention to each and you will have the best shot at it.

Keeping calm is essential even though it seems impossible right now.

1. Do not look for immediate resolution for the marital crisis. It took time to develop and will likely take time to resolve.
2. Confide in 1-2 friends, but not everyone you know.
3. Practice self-care. Now is the time to read books for fun and relaxation. Return to a hobby that distracts you. Hangout with friends. Keep your brain and body occupied.
4. Be there for your kids (young and grown up). Do not pull back from them.
5. If your spouse is confused, do not get into long conversations where you insist on clarity. It will only make you feel worse and drive your partner further away.
6. Know that your partner needs time and space to think. This is not easy for them either.

Consider Couples Counseling or Divorce Discernment at the Relationship & Intimacy Center in West Des Moines, IA.