How to Tell If You’re Parenting Your Partner
When you and your partner got together, it seemed like you were equals. You got along well, made plans together, and enjoyed a degree of independence as you gradually joined your lives together. But lately, you’ve started to feel like you’ve been parenting your partner.
Perhaps you moved in together, and slowly but surely, all the domestic responsibilities have been pushed onto you. Or maybe you’ve realized that your partner isn’t very proactive about making progress in their own life. You constantly have to encourage them to move forward in different areas.
Are you concerned that you’ve been parenting your partner while they haven’t been pulling their weight? Here are a few warning signs that you’ve been parenting your partner, and they need to take on more responsibilities in your relationship.
Do They Handle Their Own Domestic Duties?
Think about all the domestic work that needs to be taken care of around your house. Is your partner really doing their fair share? How do you divide duties like grocery shopping and cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, and doing yard work?
Think about tasks that could be categorized as “the mental load,” too, like planning for social obligations or sending out holiday cards. If you’re doing practically all of this, your partner has been shirking their responsibilities and relying on you to manage their home life.
Do They Take Initiative Without Your Guidance?
Maybe your partner was working in a job they hated when you met and complained about being underpaid. Or perhaps they were doing poorly in school and acknowledged that they needed to concentrate on academics and get help from their professors.
Have they taken steps like this to improve their life? Or do you feel like you’re trying to improve their professional life for them? A responsible adult should be able to take initiative and make lifestyle changes without their partner’s insistence.
Do You Ever Feel Like “Nagging” Is Necessary?
Maybe you’re constantly having to remind your partner to actually uphold their commitments. You worry that you’re coming off as a “nag,” but you need them to fulfill their duties.
You know that they won’t do it unless you remind them several times. Chances are, you’re not nagging. You’re trying to be responsible, and your partner is being neglectful.
Does Your Partner Make Basic Mistakes Without You Around?
Do you ever dread going out of town for the weekend? Maybe you know that you’ll come back to a messy apartment, a sink full of dishes, and piles of dirty laundry.
If you feel like you can’t leave your partner alone for a day or two because they can’t run your household properly in your absence, you’ve probably been forced into a parenting role.
Do You Make All the Big Decisions In Your Household?
When the holidays roll around, do you feel like you’re in charge of deciding what you and your partner will do? Is it always your responsibility to handle major financial decisions? When you suspect that one of your appliances needs to be repaired, is it up to you to call attention to the problem and get in touch with a maintenance professional?
Decision-making can be exhausting. If your partner does not contribute equally to decision-making, or if you simply can’t trust them to make big decisions on their own, you’re taking on the responsibilities that a parent would for your partner.
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Do you suspect that you’ve stepped into a parenting role with your partner? Working with a therapist can help you build a healthier dynamic. Reach out to us today to discuss your options for scheduling your first session.
